I just got a preview of Obama's Inaugural Address!

 My fellow Americans, I’d like to make a toast to my opponents on the right, and let them know that I really couldn’t have done it without you. Sure, you won a few battles here and there, and sure you almost had me on the ropes one or two times, but like the Little Pink Energizer Bunny, and with the help of the suckers that I have been able to “Bull-Shit” I kept  going, and going and going . And phew, there has been a lot of  weariness in my own camp, but we did it.. Yes, it’s true every president has their enemies, and to put it mildly, I had and still have more than my share.
But you folks on the American right, you Conservatives, you Republicans, you Third party delusional freaks were  as paranoid and as out of touch as you possibly could have been so therefor  you were there for me and you did it for me. 
First of all, I want to thank Mitt Romney for being so darn truthful that he was looked upon as being unbelievable, after all who was going to believe those outrageous things he said about me.  They were so insane, no one wanted to believe it.  And let me thank Paul Ryan for letting my VP old Uncle Joe for making a Monkey out of him.  So thanks to Rush for making Sandra Fluke news, you don't know how much that meant to me.   Thanks to Glenn Beck who sounded like a fruit cake.  And Sean Hannity for his months and efforts of digging up all that dirt that didn’t do anything at all.  Thanks to  Donald Trump who thought he was so big that he would be able to fire me.   And Todd Akin, I love you, man, you came along just in time as did Hurricane Sandy, man oh man did you come just in time.  And guess what, we played Chris Christie like a fiddle, the Big Fat Dope is so stupid and gullible he didn’t even know I was playing him for votes. And I killed his future at the same time!

And a great big thanks to that bunch of fools the Republican party put up against Romney in the primaries. They were really and truly a godsend, the fought with each other more than I could have myself.   A big thanks to Herman Cain who not only helped me but screwed up his life along the way. And for proving that Black isn't always beautiful.  And to my TV buddies, David Letterman, Barbara Walters, Joy Behar, and to the great Chris Mathews. 
And of course, how can I ever thank my friends in right-wing media who may have helped you sell your books, but you constantly put me picture on the cover.
And to the Left-wing media, or that they call the “Main Stream Media” well I couldn’t have done it without you guys so thanks from the bottom of my heart, and oh yes I really do have a heart, ask that gal who got a Free Cell phone, or the millions of people who I gave all those Food Stamps to!   And it’s nobody’s business where they spend those Food Stamps, they can use them wherever they want to,what do you think I am a Socialist? 
Finally, to all the wise and tiresome men and women who write those "clever" but mentally ill Conservative Blogs. and even those who may even sound as if they had a heart.  How do you like me now?  You said I couldn’t get re-elected unless I was more bipartisan, more moderate, and cut spending and took less vacations, You blamed me for Washington’s gridlock and assumed the country would go bankrupt. You said  that I should retire and get out of Washington and to go back to Kenya.  Well, guess what? Like Frank Sinatra said, "I did it my way", and it worked.  Yes, here I am for another 4 years so you're going to have to live with it.  You're going to have to get used to seeing me and Michele and my kids and my Dog BO for 4 more years.  I got my tax increases passed without giving up any entitlement whatsoever. , I’m going to pass an immigration bill and let the Mexicans get drivers licenses and one day they are even going to be able to vote.  The economy is coming back,   yes it’s coming back slowly, but what’s the rush, I have 4 whole years, thats a long time. The deficit should stabilize in the long term, and again, what’s the rush?  I’m going to to win on gun control and yes maybe even take those guns out of your dead hands, so what, and when I done in 4 years, maybe you’ll be seeing a Biden administration, hell that would be better than another Clinton  administration, cauz to tell you the truth, I never really liked her, I just keep her around to keep an eye on her, that sneaky little snake would do anything for her own gain. So, as long as I don’t get impeached or start a  war in Israel, I’m feeling pretty damn good about my next 4 years.  And once again I proved that we don't need no stinken Constitution!
Thanks for coming.  May God (any God) Bless America,  The Champagne and Caviar is on me.